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List of Personal Accomplishments

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Self Esteem – In identifying goals for the future, it’s important not to lose sight of what you’ve already accomplished in your life. It’s common to forget about past attainments at those times when you’re feeling dissatisfied with yourself. You can raise your self-esteem in a few minutes by thinking about your life and giving yourself credit for those goals you’ve already achieved.

The following exercise is designed  to help you do this. Think about your entire life as you review each area and make a list of your accomplishments. Keep in mind that while it’s gratifying to have external, “socially recognized” achievements, the most important attainments are more intangible and internal. What you’ve given to others (love, guidance, assistance, etc.) and life lessons you’ve gained on the road to maturity and wisdom are ultimitaley your most important accomplishments.

For each of the following areas, list any accomplishments you’ve had up to the present.

School

Work and Career

Home and Family

Athletics

Arts and Hobbies

Leadership

Prizes or Awards

Personal Growth and Self-Improvement

Charitable Activities

Intangibles Given to Others

Important Life Lessons Learned

Other

Taking personal responsibility for achieving the things you want most out of life and making tangible progress toward obtaining them –will greatly add to your sense of self-esteem. An excellent book for getting started  that I recommended is Susan Jeffer’s Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway Also check out Embracing Fear: and Finding the Courage to Live Your Life.

For more recommended books on fear and goals click here.

Fear In The Way of Goals Exercise

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Self Esteem – To overcome the feeling of not deserving to achieve your goal, I suggest that you work intensively with the simple affirmation “I deserve _____________” or “I deserve to have _____________.” Don’t be sparing in the use of repetition with this particular affirmation. Continue to work with it until you develop an emotional conviction that it is true. Developing the belief that you deserve what you truly want will add significantly to your self esteem.

After you’ve worked through your specific obstacles to taking action on your goals, it’s time to develop a plan of action. Break down your goal into a series of steps. Remember that this is a long range plan. As an option, you may wish to specify a time frame for accomplishing each step.

For example, you might be feeling increasingly dissatisfied with your present line of work and would like to be doing something else. Yet, you’re not quite sure about what you want to do, let alone how to go about training for it. The board goal of “getting into another line of work” might seem a bit overwhelming, taken as a whole. But if you break it down into component parts, it becomes more managable”

1. Find a career counselor you respect

2. Explore different options by:

3. Narrow down vocational options to one particular type of work

4. Obtain education or training for the line of work you have chosen

5. Complete your education or training (if possible while maintaining your current job)

6. Search for an entry level position in your new career

  • Obtain resources that tell you where jobs are available
  • Prepare a professional looking resume
  • Apply for jobs
  • Go for interviews

7. Begin your new career

Fear In The Way of Goals

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self esteem fear picSelf Esteem – What are some of the obstacles you might be putting in the way of going after what you want? Fear is the greatest impediment to doing something about your goals, just as it is in the case of overcoming phobias. If you don’t see yourself moving toward what you want, ask whether you’re letting any of the following fears get in your way:

Fear of losing present security
Fear of failure
Fear of personal rejection or the disapproval of others
Fear of succeeding
Fear of your goal involving too much work
Fear of your goal involving too much time
Fear of your goal involving too much energy
Fear that your goal is too unrealistic – for example, that others will discourage you
Fear of change itself

The solution to any of these fears about taking action on your life goals is exactly the same as the solution to dealing with a phobia: face the fear and go forward in small steps. There is no way to eliminate some risk and discomfort, but breaking a goal down into sufficiently small steps will enable you to go forward and therefore be one step closer to reaching higher self esteem.

While fear is the biggest obstacle to moving forward on goals, guilt can also be an impediment. You may wish to consider whether any of the following beliefs are keeping you from seeking what you want:

“I’m not good enough to have ________________”

“I don’t deserve to have ________________”

“No one in my family has ever done something like that before.”

“Others won’t approve if I go after _______________”

“No one will accept this idea if I try to put it into practice.”

Continue on to the exercises

Goal Setting

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Self esteem can be improved when you have a goal to work towards. This exercise is designed to help you narrow down what you would like to achieve.

Ask yourself two questions:

1. What are the most important things I want out of life – now and in the future?
2. What am I doing about these goals right now?

Let’s consider each of these. To answer the first question you need to define what your goals are. If this is presently unclear, thinking about what you want in each of the areas below might help you to be more specific:

Physical Health
Psychological Well-Being
Finances and Money
Intimate Relationships
Family
Living Environment
Friends
Career
Education
Personal Growth
Recreation and Leisure
Spiritual Life

Give yourself some time –up to several days if necessary — to clarify what your most important goals are in these areas over the following time intervals: the next month, the next six months, the next year, the next three years. Write down your most important goals for each time period. You may wish to talk with a close friend or perhaps a counselor to assist you with the process of clarifying your specific personal goals.

The second questions involves honestly evaluation what steps you’re currently taking — or not taking — toward attaining your immediate and longer-range goals. Are you genuinely working toward what you want? Or are you making excuses and setting up obstacle to the attainment of what you want? The popular phrase “taking responsibility for your life” simply means that you take full responsibility for working toward your own goals. Avoiding self-responsibility is to not do anything about what you want and/or expect someone else to do it for you. Avoiding  self-responsibility will guarantee that you’ll have feelings of powerlessness, inadequacy, and even hopelessness. A sense of personal self-worth is dependent on taking responsibility for yourself.

Affirmations for Self Esteem – What I Am Learning

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Self Esteem – As in the previous article Affirmations for Self Esteem – What I Am, write a list of your favorite affirmations individually on a 3×5 card. Then read through the stack slowly and with feeling once or twice a day.

What I Am Learning

I am learning to love myself more every day

I am learning to believe in my unique worth and capabilities

I am learning to trust myself (and others)

I am learning to recognize and take care of my needs

I am learning to ask others for what I need

I am learning that it’s OK to say no to others when I need to

I am learning to take life one day at a time

I am learning to approach my goals one day at a time

I am learning to take better care of myself

I am learning how to take more time for myself each day

I am learning to let go of doubts and fear

I am learning to let go of worry (or shame)

I am learning that others respect and like me

I am learning how to be more comfortable around others

I am learning to feel more confident in ________________

I am learning that I have a right to ________________

I am learning that it’s OK to make mistakes

I am learning that I don’t have to be perfect to be loved

I am learning to accept myself just the way I am

You can also put these affirmations on tape. Repeat each affirmation twice and leave about 5-10 seconds between different statements. Listen to the tape once a day when you feel relaxed and receptive and watch this do wonders for your self esteem.

Affirmations for Self Esteem – What I Am

Affirmations for Self Esteem – What I Am

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Self esteem can be improved by positive self talk. Select your favorite affirmations from the list and write them down individually on 3×5 cards. Then read through the stack slowly and with feeling once or twice a day. Doing this while alternately looking at yourself in the mirror is an excellent idea.

I am lovable and capable

I fully accept and believe in myself just the way I am

I accept all different parts of me

I’m already a worthy person. I don’t have to prove myself.

My feelings and needs are important

It’s OK to think about what I need

It’s good for me to take time for myself

I have many good qualities

I believe in my capabilities and value the unique talents I can offer the world

I am a person of high integrity and sincere purpose

I trust in my ability to succeed at my goals

I am a valuable and important person, worthy of respect of others

Others perceive me as a good an likable person

When other people really get to know me, they like me

Other people like to be around me. They like to hear what I have to say and know what I think.

Others recognize that I have a lot to offer

I deserve to be supported by those people who care for me

I deserve the respect of others

I trust and respect myself and am worthy of the respect of others

I now receive assistance and cooperation from others

I’m optimistic about life. I look forward to and enjoy new challenges.

The more I love myself, the more I am able to love others.

Affirmations for Self Esteem – What I Am Learning

Self Esteem

Physical Well-Being and Body Image

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self esteem exercise picSelf Esteem – Physical  health and a sense of personal wellness, vitality, and robustness comprise one of the most important foundations of self esteem.  It’s often difficult to feel good about yourself when you’re feeling physically weak, tired, or ill. Current evidence points to the role of physiological imbalances – often caused by stress in the genesis of panic attacks, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Upgrading your physical well-being will have a direct impact on your particular problem with anxiety as well as contribute substantially to self esteem.

The questionnaire below is intended to give you an overview of how you are doing in the area of personal wellness and how this might relate to low self esteem issues.

Am I exercising for at least one half hour three to five times per week?

Do I enjoy the exercise I do?

Do I give myself the opportunity to deeply relax each day through progressive muscle relaxation, visualization, meditation, or some other relaxation method?

Do I give myself at least one hour of “downtime” or leisure time each day?

Do I manage my time so that I am not perpetually rushed?

Do I handle stress or do I feel that it has control of me?

Do I give myself solitary time for personal reflection?

Do I get at least seven hours of sleep every night?

Am I satisfied with the quality and quantity of my sleep?

Am I eating three solid meals each day, including a good size breakfast?

Do I like my living environment? Is the place where I live comfortable and relaxing?

Does smoking tobacco interfere with my physical well-being?

Am I comfortable  with my present weight? If not, what can I do about it?

Do I like my body and the way I appear?

Developing Support and Intimacy Part I

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self esteem friends picSelf-esteem is something we build within ourselves, much of our feelings of self-worth is determined by our significant personal relationships. Others cannot give you a feeling of adequacy and confidence, but their acceptance, respect, and validation of you can reaffirm and strengthen your own positive attitude and feelings about yourself. Self-love becomes narcissistic in isolation from others. Let’s consider four pathways to self-esteem that involve relationships with others.

 

Close friends and support

Assertiveness

Intimacy

Boundaries

Close Friends and Support
Having close friends and support is very important when trying to improve your self-esteem. When surveys of human values have been done, many people rank close friends near the top, along with career, a happy family life, and health. Each of us needs a support system of at least two or three close friends in addition to our immediate family. A close friend is someone you can deeply trust and confide in. It is someone who comfortably accepts you as you are in all your moods, behaviors, and roles. And it is someone who will stand by you no matter what is happening in your life. A close friend allows you the opportunity to share your feelings and perceptions about your life outside your immediate family. Such a person can help bring out aspects of your personality that might not be expressed with your spouse, children, or parents. At least two or three close friends of this sort, whom you can confide in on a regular basis, are an essential part of an adequate support system. Such friends can help provide continuity in your life through times of great transition such as moving away from home, divorce, death of a family member, and so on.

Assertiveness
Cultivating assertiveness is critical to self-esteem. If you’re unable to clearly get across to others what you want or do not want, you will end up feeling frustrated, helpless and powerless. If you do nothing else, the practice of assertive behavior in and of itself can increase your feeling of self-respect. Honoring your own needs with other people in an assertive manner also increases their respect for you, and quickly overcomes any tendency on their part to take advantage of you.

Developing Support and Intimacy Part II
Developing Support and Intimacy Part III

Taking Care of Yourself

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Self Esteem RelaxationTaking care of yourself is the foundation on which all other pathways to self esteem rest. Without a basic willingness and ability to care for, love, and nurture yourself , it is difficult to achieve a deep or lasting experience of self worth.
Perhaps you had the good fortune to receive the love, acceptance and nurturing from your parents that could provide you with a solid foundation for self esteem as an adult. Presently you are a free of any deep seated feelings of insecurity and your path to self esteem is likely to be simple and short, involving certain changes in attitude habits, and beliefs. For those who have carried a lifelong sense of insecurity, through, the way to self worth involves developing the ability to give yourself what your parents couldn’t. its possible to overcome deficits from your past only by becoming a good parent yourself.

Some Causes of Low Self Esteem

What are some of the childhood circumstances that can lead you to grow up with feelings of insecurity or inadequacy?

1. Overly critical parents: parents who were constantly critical or set impossible high standards of behavior many have left you feelings of guilt; that somehow you could “never be good enough.” As an adult, you will continue to strive for perfection to overcome a long standing sense of inferiority. You may also have a strong tendency toward self criticism.

2. Significant childhood loss: if you were separated from a parent as a result of death or divorce, you may have been left feeling abandoned. You may have grown up with a sense of emptiness and insecurity inside that can be very intensely by losses of significant people in your adult life.

3. Parental abuses: physical and sexual abuse is extreme forms of deprivation. They may leave you with a complex mix of feelings, including inadequacy, insecurity, lack of trust, guild and or rage. Adults who were physically abused as children may become perpetual victims or may themselves develop a hostile posture toward life, victimizing others.

4. Parental alcoholism or drug abuse: much has been written in recent years on the effects of parental alcoholism on children. Chronic drinking or substance abuse creates a chaotic, unreliable family atmosphere in which it is difficult for a child to develop a basic sense of trust or security.

5. Parental neglect: some parents, because they are preoccupied with themselves, their work, or other concerns, simply fail to give their children adequate attention and nurturing. Children left to their own devices often grow up feelings of insecurity, worthless, and lonely. As adults they may have a tendency to discount or neglect their own needs.

6. Parental rejection: even without physical, sexual, or verbal abuse some parents impart a feeling to their children that they are unwanted. This profoundly damaging attitude teaches a child to grow up doubting his or her very right to exist. Such a person has a tendency toward self rejection or self sabotage. It remains possible for adults with such a past to overcome what their parents didn’t give them through learning to love and care for themselves.

7. Parental over protectiveness: the child who is over protected may never learn to trust the world outside of the immediate family and risk independence. As an adult, such a person may feel very insecure and afraid to venture far from a safe person or place.

8. Parental overindulgence: a spoiled child of overindulgent parents is given insufficient exposure to deferred gratification or appropriate limits. As adults such people tend to be bored lack persistence or have difficulty initiating and sustaining individual effort. They tend to expect the world to come to them rather than taking responsibility for creating their own lives.

Self Esteem Builders

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There are many pathways to self esteem. it is not something that develops overnight or as a result of any single insight, decision, or modification in your behavior. Self esteem is built gradually through a willingness to work on a number of areas in your life. This post considers – in three parts – a variety of ways to build self esteem.

  • taking care of yourself
  • developing support and intimacy
  • other pathways to self esteem

    • Most important to your self esteem is your willingness and ability to take care of yourself. This means first that you can recognize your basic needs as a human being and then do something about meeting them. Taking care of yourself also involves cultivating a relationship with that part of yourself known as the “inner child.” your inner child is a place inside that is the origin of your needs. it is a playful, spontaneous and creative side of you – yet it also carries any emotional pain, fear or sense of vulnerability you acquired from your childhood. By becoming a good parent to your own inner child now, you can overcome the limitations and deficiencies of your upbringing years ago. a popular saying these days, “it’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

    The post taking care of yourself focuses on this theme of taking care of yourself. It begins by enumerating a variety of dysfunctional family situations that can cause low self esteem following this is a discussion of basic human needs to help you identify those needs which are most important to address in your life right now. finally a variety of methods for cultivating a relationship with your inner child are offered. learning to meet your needs – to care for and nurture yourself – is the most fundamental and important thing you can do to build your self esteem.

    the following post is an extension of the previous post. finding support and intimacy in your life is obviously a major part of taking care of yourself. Other people cant give you self esteem, but their support, acceptance, validation, and love can go along way toward reinforcing and strengthening your own self affirmation. This part is divided into four sections. The first addresses the importance of developing a support system. The second presents ten conditions that I feel are critical to genuine intimacy. The third section offers a discussion of interpersonal boundaries. Having boundaries in your relationships is essential both to intimacy and to self esteem. A final section underscores the relevance of assertiveness to self esteem.
    Part 3 presents four additional aspects of self esteem:

  • personal wellness and body image
  • emotional self expression
  • self talk and affirmation for self esteem
  • personal goals and a sense of accomplishment

    • Although these pathways to self esteem are diverse among themselves, they can all be viewed as an extension of the basic idea of taking care of yourself.