Why do we have Low Self Esteem? How Can it be fixed?

Why do we have Low Self Esteem? How Can it be fixed?

Why is it that loving ourselves can be so hard? Of course we have people around us who love us, like our friends and family. But, if we don't have self esteem, who can we really count on to do that for us? Not loving yourself can stem from low self esteem. In fact, it can sometimes be the root cause as to why we don't love ourselves. This poses the questions: why do we have low self esteem and where does it come from?

Parents and Loved Ones

Low self esteem can come from a disapproving parent or loved one. Even though it is ideal for these people to be our biggest supporters and confidants, this isn't always the case. This should be the source of our love and validation; when this key component in ones life is missing, it is reasonable for it to cause low self esteem. We grow up with our parents being the most important and influential people on our entire lives. Not seeing their child as good enough or giving them the love and attention, self esteem issues arise.

A common example of this is if a parent has very high expectations, or a certain path they want their child to follow, they often put this pressure on them to live up to it. If the child doesn't, parents will often shame them or make them feel bad. This in turn makes the child feel like they are not good enough. Although parents can be the main source of this, it can also come from an authority figure such as a boss, teacher, or coach.


Unfortunately, society plays a huge part on self esteem, especially in the culture we all live in today that is so hyper focused on appearance. The intense access to information is also a downfall when it comes to comparing ourselves to others. "Why don't I look like that girl on the magazine?" Or "How come I don't have the lifestyle that this person on Instagram does". These all can lead to comparing ourselves and our lives to others which generates low self esteem if we somehow feel inferior. The world has, knowing or unknowingly, shaped us to idealize these aspects of our culture and discern ourselves as inadequate if we don't live up to certain standards.

Trauma Effect Self Esteem

Something else that causes low self esteem, according to Self Esteem Solutions, is a life trauma. These things are usually out of our control and can only be coped with on the back end. Traumas could include things like a loved one dying or being bullied at a young age. Being in an abusive relationship can also slowly spark feelings of low self esteem which can grow deeper and worse if the relationship continues. Sexual assault is also a huge reason for low self esteem, especially in women. In fact, 1 in 5 women has been sexually assaulted, and only 1 in 71 men have been.

Individual Expectations

Some low self esteem issues we also have to attribute as a fault of our own. We set expectations for ourselves and then beat ourselves up if we can't live up to them. It is very important to strive for excellence and want what is best in life, however, these expectations we put on ourselves cannot be unrealistic, or we will never get to a place where we feel good about ourselves. It can be hard to find the balance in pursuing the best and pushing ourselves while also staying realistic to our situations. However, it is important to be aware of this as to not set ourselves up for failure.

What's the Fix?

Now the question is posed: How can we improve low self esteem? At this point we have probably found a few reasons as to why you may have it, and most people have these feelings to a certain extent. Many people have low self esteem from multiple reasons above as well. Moving past it and working towards a better mindset is the way forward. This is where we have to change our thinking.

According to Psychology Today, there are steps you can take to walk down this better road of loving yourself! First, you have to be mindful of your thoughts and not let negative self talk tear you down constantly. Just like mentioned at the very beginning of this article, we have to love ourselves first and we cant count on anyone else to do that for us. Second, you have to change your story. If you are always feeling sorry for yourself and expressing that to the outside world, then you, as well as everyone around you, will see you in this light.

Third, comparison has to stop. It is one of the hardest things to not compare ourselves to others, but it is the single biggest reason for low self confidence. You were born as you and can only be you. You should only want to be you because there is not a single person on this earth who can fill your shoes. Stop comparing yourself to others and appreciate all you have to bring to the world.

I know you've heard it before, but exercise. For many reasons this can boost self esteem, and not only will you look healthier, but you will feel better. Last, and maybe most important, be kind. Being kind to others and having a soft heart for what others are going through will allow you to have that kind of care for yourself since you are practicing it outwardly.

The Takeaway

Learning to love yourself is a work in progress and is naturally easier for some people. That's okay. Take it day by day and understand that it doesn't have to happen in a day or a week. Remember that you are you for a reason, and if no one can see that then the world is missing out on something that was put in place with a purpose.

Beat Seasonal Blues with 4 Power Based Self-Esteem Tools

Beat Seasonal Blues with 4 Power Based Self-Esteem Tools

Beat seasonal blues with 4 power based tips which also enhance your self-esteem. Instead of waking up and feeling blue learn how to fight back.

Beating seasonal depression is easy if you know what tools to use. We have four tools and tips you can use to win the battle against seasonal depression.

Four Tips Which Help You Beat Seasonal Depression

There are four tips we are going to share with you that puts power back into your body and mind. Use these tools when you start to feel seasonal depression coming at you. They give you a concrete way to fight back and move forward.

1) Activity and movement provide physical and psychological benefits. They also allow you to feel and see light around you when you are moving around. This is essential to a good heart circadian rhythm. It brings lightness to the body and spirit. This is vital in fighting back against darkness and depression.

2) Eat healthy foods and avoid junk foods. It's a fact that a healthy diet boost your mood. Healthy diets give you energy and balance your cravings for junk food or unhealthy carbohydrates.

When Therapy and Counseling Are a Good Tool to Use

3) It's okay to talk it out. When seasonal depression keeps you feeling blue and you have lost your zeal for life, seeking therapy is a wonderful gift to give yourself. There are three different types of psychological therapies which can help beat back blues. They are

The therapist will then work on helping you find a way to change your negative thought patterns.

The thought patterns which occur in the season which prompts your depression. The therapist will give you ways to change your thoughts and behaviors into positive patterns.

  • Guided Self Help – Guided self help is learning how to help yourself with self-talk, meditation, and self-learning.

Find your inner core and spirit and align them with your practical and healthy exercises. These verbal, physical and mental exercises help you become more balanced in your mood.

  • Counseling for Depression – Counseling for depression is something many people need from time to time. 16 million adults in the United States have had at least one depression episode.

Many of those involve seasonal depressive episodes. Seeking therapy to talk about your depression helps you find where the depression is coming from. That way you can work on ways to prevent it or fight back against it.

Photographer: Kelly Sikkema | Source: Unsplash

More Tips and Tools To Beat Back Seasonal Depression

4) Don't fight seasonal depression by yourself. Enlist your family and friends to help beat back those blues. There is nothing worse than isolating yourself when you already feel depressed or blue.

Isolation allows us to dwell on the depression or the blue feelings. It is important to enlist family and friends to help keep active, do activities with people you care about.

This helps you escape from the one-person cage of solitude. Anything that brings you pleasure helps lighten your inner spirit.

5) Get a new hobby or re-energize an old hobby. Hobbies help give you purpose. It is important to use interest and motivation in finding old, new, and exciting purposes. There is sometimes nothing more exciting than finding a new purposeful hobby you can throw yourself into 100 percent.

Misconceptions about Seasonal Depression

Many people think that seasonal depression only happens in the wintertime. That is when many people are cooped up and stuck inside their homes. However, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a depression which is defined as a recurring major depression which happens with a seasonal pattern.

This depression can be brought on during any season for any reason. Many people will have their seasonal depression end when the season is over. Yet the depression comes back the next season around the same time.

The symptoms of seasonal depression are somewhat unique to SAD. They include, but are not limited to;

  • Tiredness and a general feeling they cannot get enough sleep
  • Irritable or cry easily
  • Become more and more isolated, rarely venturing away from their home
  • Weight gain or binge eating
Photographer: Hermes Rivera | Source: Unsplash

What Else Can Be Done to Help Seasonal Blues?

There are many other things which can be done to help fight back against seasonal depression or the blues.

There are studies which suggest going to bed early may help. Many of us are wired for our energy levels to rise and decrease during certain times of the day. Fighting the blues with your body clock is a great idea.

That is a holistic and healthy way for your body to roll with the season and go to bed when you are tired. Instead of forcing yourself to stay up and grow more depressed.

Treat yourself to a sauna or hot tub. There are studies which suggest the bodies temperature also may play into seasonal depression. Warming your body by a fire or in a sauna can help your body feel flush with heat while having a calming effect.

Aromatherapy can also help lift a mood or fight back against depressive darkness. There is a lot to be said for lighting a scented candle, sitting back, and enjoying the scent and ambiance around you.

The Seasonal Depression Battle Can Be Won

The seasonal depression battle can be won but you have to use tools to help you in the battle. If you take the time to develop these tools and tips you will reap the benefits. You may no longer experience anxiety or stress every time your depressive season rolls around.

Instead by using some of the tips and tools listed here you may find you have become stronger and are now able to win the seasonal depression battle. Enjoy the season which is breaking around you by controlling your activities and feelings. What fun you will have!