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Self Talk

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Self esteem worry picSelf Esteem – What you tell yourself, and your beliefs about yourself, contribute in an obvious and literal way to your self-esteem. If you are feeling inadaquate and powerless, it’s very likely because you belive that you are. By the same token, you can raise your self-esteem simply by working on changing your self talk and basic beliefs about yourself.

When you catch yourself engaging in self-critical or self-victimizing inner dialogues, follow these steps:

1.Disrupt the chain of negative thoughts with some method that diverts your attention away from your mind and helps you to be more in touch with your feelings and body. Any of the following may work:

-Physical activity (household chores or exercise)

-Taking a walk outside

-abdominal breathing exercises

-Five minutes of progressive muscle relaxation

-Snapping a rubber band against your wrist

The point is to do something that slows you down and gives you a bit of distance from  your negative thoughts. It’s difficult to counter negative self-talk when you’re tense and your mind is racing.

2. Challenge your negative self-talk with appropriate questioning if necessary. Good questions to raise with your inner critic might be “What’s the evidence for this?’, “Is this always true?”, or “Am I looking at both sides of this issue?”

3. Counter your negative inner dialogue with positive, self-supportive statements. You may want to design your own positive statements specifically tailored to refute your critic’s statements one by one. Alternatively, you can draw positive counterstatements from a list of affirmations. I will discusss a list of affirmations in my next article.

Physical Well-Being and Body Image

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self esteem exercise picSelf Esteem – Physical  health and a sense of personal wellness, vitality, and robustness comprise one of the most important foundations of self esteem.  It’s often difficult to feel good about yourself when you’re feeling physically weak, tired, or ill. Current evidence points to the role of physiological imbalances – often caused by stress in the genesis of panic attacks, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Upgrading your physical well-being will have a direct impact on your particular problem with anxiety as well as contribute substantially to self esteem.

The questionnaire below is intended to give you an overview of how you are doing in the area of personal wellness and how this might relate to low self esteem issues.

Am I exercising for at least one half hour three to five times per week?

Do I enjoy the exercise I do?

Do I give myself the opportunity to deeply relax each day through progressive muscle relaxation, visualization, meditation, or some other relaxation method?

Do I give myself at least one hour of “downtime” or leisure time each day?

Do I manage my time so that I am not perpetually rushed?

Do I handle stress or do I feel that it has control of me?

Do I give myself solitary time for personal reflection?

Do I get at least seven hours of sleep every night?

Am I satisfied with the quality and quantity of my sleep?

Am I eating three solid meals each day, including a good size breakfast?

Do I like my living environment? Is the place where I live comfortable and relaxing?

Does smoking tobacco interfere with my physical well-being?

Am I comfortable  with my present weight? If not, what can I do about it?

Do I like my body and the way I appear?

Reevaluating Negative Feelings

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Self Esteem Scared Child PicSelf Esteem– If you were to encounter a small child who appeared scared, confused, or abandoned, you would likely do everything in your power to nurture and comfort her. Yet how do you treat yourself when you feel insecure, scared, lonely, abandoned or otherwise needy? Too often we simply deny these feelings; or else we become critical or rejecting toward ourselves for having them. One of the most profound transformations you can make along the road to greater self-esteem is to re-perceive feelings of insecurity and inadequacy as pleas for attention from your inner child rather than as signs of weakness to be gotten rid of. You will heal yourself faster by acknowledging and nurturing the needy child behind your negative feeling states instead of trying to push away your inner child’s needs.

The next time you feel frightened, insecure, inadequate, vulnerable, or angry, frustrated, and fed up, try asking yourself “What is the need behind this feeling?” What is it that my inner child needs right now?” Then take the time to give your child within the attention, caring, or nurturing she or he needs, and you’ll be surprised how much better you feel.

Learning to re-preceive negative feelings as pleas for attention from your inner child will transform your life and contribute greatly toward your self esteem. This is what “becoming a good parent to yourself” is all about.

Examples of Disguised Pleas for Help From Your Inner Child

You’ve just come home from a hard day or work. You see yourself in the bathroom mirror and you can’t stand the way you look. Your makeup looks too heavy and it’s smeared besides. You look and feel like an old floozy. You begin to think “What’s the use?” You could choose to sink into a depression, but instead ask your inner child what she wants at that moment. Intead of fixing your make up you decide to fill the bathtub with warm bubbly water. You soak in warm water and stay in the tub as long as you would like. When you look in the mirror, you look pink and warm. You feel more forgiving of the way you look- after all, you’ve had a hard day!