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Kids and Self Esteem 3

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Our children need to know that we accept and love them regardless of what they may do, but also that certain forms of behavior are not acceptable to us. We should, however, investigate for ourselves why this behavior is not acceptable.

Is it because it will be potentially harmful to the child, to someone else, or to us? Or is it simply because we are programmed that it should not be done? Or does the behavior conflict with our expectations based on our personal needs and dreams for the child? Or are we afraid of what the others will think about our child and subsequently about us? This has a lot to do with your child’s self esteem and self image.

We must be very clear about why we are rejecting a certain behavior. Our rejection can come out of a place of real love and concern for the child, if, in fact, we are not simply protecting our own interests. As long as a certain behavior does no real harm to anyone, it is best to allow the child to pursue it. Self Esteem.

Something within them, some need is guiding them to explore that kind of activity. They have something to learn through doing that. This does not mean that there are not moments where control or even natural or logical consequences may be necessary. But we need to be sure that the reasons are valid and have to do with real issues of safety or morality and not because we are disappointed with their grades or selection of hobbies, interests or friends. Self Esteem.

In order to love our children unconditionally, we will need to start loving ourselves unconditionally. We will have to let go of all the prerequisites we have put on our own self-love and Self Esteem. We will need to love ourselves even though we are not perfect, even though we make mistakes, even when others do not love and accept us. The more we free our self-love from the various prerequisites, the more our love for our children and others will become unconditional.

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Kids and Self Esteem 4

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Finally, we must provide positive reinforcement for our children. Everyone likes a pat on the back, recognition, strokes, praise or affirmation of his or her ability, goodness and worthiness. Our children have not yet formed images of themselves and need these positive inputs even more than adults. Children are not sure if they are able or not. They are small in such a large world. They are learning and thus making many mistakes as they try to learn how to do things correctly.

In our attempt to help our children we often tend to point out their mistakes more frequently than their successes. The mistakes are what are more obvious and thus we feel the need to point them out. The successes are taken for granted. We over-emphasize what our children do wrong. This undermines their sense of ability, and they start to doubt whether they can really succeed.

Thus they become preoccupied, worrying about whether they will be able to do it, and whether they will be criticized damaging their self esteem. Thus little energy is left for focusing on what they are actually doing so that they can do it correctly and succeed. Then, if our children’s performance suffers, we become even more critical. This creates a vicious circle in which our children’s sense of ability, success and worthiness is completely undermined.

So, the easy thing to say is just “Don’t do this”. If you find yourself overly criticizing a child or yelling berating comments at them, take a moment, count to 10 and think of a healthier way to address the situation. They will be better for it – and so will you! Self Esteem Baby. What about that huge area that is especially difficult to deal with? It’s bound to happen, but don’t let it swallow you! Criticism can be given and accepted graciously without affecting your self esteem.

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