How to cure nervous illness complicated by problems

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Although nervous illness caused by problems, sorrow, guilt, or disgrace usually brings a very harassed sufferer with complicated symptoms to the doctor, the same fundamental plan of treatment just described for the more straight forward type of nervous illness cures them, namely;

  • Facing
  • Accepting
  • Floating
  • Letting time pass

Each of the main causes of illness – problems, sorrow, guilt, and disgrace and their side effects, such as loss of confidence, feelings of unreality, obsession, depression, low Self Esteem, etc.

Before studying treatment, the four following conditions for cure should be read and resolution made to obey them. Self Esteem

1. Carry out instructions wholeheartedly. A halfhearted try is useless.

2. Never be completely discouraged by apparent failure. However severely you may seem to fail on occasions, failure is only as severe as you will let it be. The decision to accept and carry on despite failure turns the worst failure into success. There is no point of no return in nervous illness. A day of deep despair can be followed by a day of hope, and just when you think you are at your worst you can turn the corner to recovery. Your emotions are so variable in nervous illness, try not to be too impressed by your unhappy moods, and never be completely discouraged.

3. There must be no self pity. And this means no self-pity. There must be no dramatization of self in this terrible state – no thinking of how little the family understands, how little they realize how ghastly this suffering is. Self pity wastes strength and time and frightens away those who would otherwise help you. If you are honest with yourself you will admit that some of your self pity is pride; pride that you have withstood so much for so long. Self Esteem

4. There must be no regretting and sighing “if only…” what has happened, if it cannot be remedied, is now past, finished. The present and the future must be your main concern. Life lies ahead. So remember no more if onlys. Self Esteem

Carry out instructions wholeheartedly.
Never be completely discouraged by failure.
Have no self pity.
Let there be few regrets an fewer “if onlys”.

What is Self Esteem?

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Some people think that self esteem means confidence – and of course confidence comes into it – but it’s rather more than that.

The fact is that there are any number of apparently confident people who can do marvelous things but who have poor self esteem. Many people in the public eye fall into this category. Actors and comedians and singers in particular can seem to glow with assurance ‘on stage’, and yet off-stage many of them feel desperately insecure.

Indeed, individuals can be stunningly attractive and world-famous, and seem poised and perfect – yet still, deep down, find it hard to value themselves. Think of the late Princess of Wales and Marilyn Monroe and you’ll accept, I think, that public adulation is no guarantee of self-belief.

So, if self esteem isn’t quite the same thing as confidence, what is it?

Well, the word ‘esteem’ comes from a Latin word which means ‘to estimate’. So, self esteem is how you estimate yourself.

To do that you need to ask yourself certain questions:
• Do I like myself?
• Do I think I’m a good human being?
• Am I someone deserving of love?
• Do I deserve happiness?
• Do I really feel – both in my mind and deep in my guts – that I’m an OK person?

People with low self esteem find it hard to answer ‘yes’ to these questions. Perhaps you are one of them. If you’re reading this post, we think you are. Don’t despair. Just read on!

The concept of self esteem can be summed up as: Confidence in our ability to think and in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life and confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feelings of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and wants, achieve our values and enjoy the fruits of our efforts.

We also commonly think that self esteem is merely about how we feel about ourselves at any particular moment. While seemingly existing in degrees, we tend to believe that we have positive or negative self esteem and that we make that determination simply by how we feel about ourselves.

However, our feelings or emotions do not exist alone or have an independent existence. We do not just simply feel. Rather, for every feeling or emotion that we have, either positive or negative, there is a corresponding thought that we have about ourselves that generates the experience of self esteem.

Whether positive or negative, self esteem is merely how our psyche experiences the thoughts that we have about ourselves. If a person has positive thoughts about himself he will experience positive or good self esteem. On the other hand, if the individual has negative thoughts about whom he thinks he is then he will experience poor or negative self esteem.

What is Self Esteem?

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Therefore, to truly understand what self esteem is all about and more importantly to be able to alter it when necessary for ones wellness or healing, we must first get it that self esteem is really about our thinking, and more specifically about the thoughts that we develop or create about ourselves. The thoughts or beliefs that we have about ourselves are crucial in that they determine or create the structure of our experience of self esteem and the various emotions associated with it.

We also tend to think of our self esteem as being something that is shaped by the events that take place in our life, particularly those from our past. We tend to believe that who we think we are and how we feel about ourselves is merely the product, effect or caused by the experiences that we have had in the past – it says that we are who we are by virtue of what has happened to us as human beings.

More specifically, we tend to think that the cause in the matter of whom we think we are and our self esteem is due to circumstance, situation or others, people, places and things. We do not tend to think that our self esteem is something we actually developed or created. Our personal self esteem is shaped by our past and the experiences we have had in our lives.

We created our thoughts and with it our emotions from the meaning that we gave to the events that took place in our life, especially at an early age. We give meaning to everything in our life including and most importantly to ourselves. At an early age the meaning that we give an event tends to be made out to be all about us. While events do happen it is not the events that are important but rather the meaning that we give them and especially how we made it out to be about our identity.

Living in a state of low self esteem can be very damaging to the quality of life you lead on a daily basis. Your self esteem is YOUR opinion of yourself, but far too many people allow others to influence or even make up their opinion for them. It sounds so very silly, but if you think on this you will realize how certain events, comments and encounters helped to “make or break” your self esteem.

Nervous Illness Cure

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If you have nervous illness, you will notice that, you have certain symptoms as a fairly constant background to your day, while others come from time to time. For example, the churning stomach, sweating hands, and rapidly beating heart may be more or less always with you; while fear spasms, “missed” heartbeats, pains around the heart, trembling spells, breathlessness, giddiness, nausea come in attacks at intervals. The constant symptoms are those of sustained tension and fear, hence their chronicity; while the different recurring attacks are the result of varying intensity in sustained fear, hence their periodicity.

“This is too simple for me”

The treatment of all symptoms depends on a few simple rules. When you first read them you may think, “this is too simple for me”. In spite of this, you will need to be shown how to apply this simple treatment and may often have to reread instructions.

The principle of treatment can be summarized as:

  • Facing
  • Accepting
  • floating
  • Letting time pass

There is nothing mysterious or surprising about this treatment, and yet it is enlightening to see how many people sink deeper into their illness by doing the exact opposite.

Let us look again briefly at the person described in the last chapter, the person afraid of the physical feelings aroused by fear, and see if we can pinpoint his own treatment of his illness. Self Esteem.

First, he became unduly alarmed by his symptoms, examining each as it appeared, “listening in” in apprehension. He tried to free himself of the unwelcome feelings by tensing himself to meet them or by pushing them away, agitatedly seeking occupation to force forgetfulness – in other words, by fighting or funning away. Self Esteem. Also he was bewildered because he could not find cure overnight. He kept looking back and worrying because so much time was passing and he was not yet cured, as if this were an evil spirit that could be exorcised if only he, or the doctor, knew the trick. He was impatient with time. Self Esteem.

Briefly, he spent his time:

  • Running away, not facing
  • Fighting, not accepting
  • Arresting and “listing in”, not floating past
  • Being impatient with time, not letting time pass

Need we be impressed if he thinks it will take something more drastic that facing, accepting, floating, and letting time pass to cure him? I don’t think we need.

Now let us consider how you can cure yourself facing, accepting, floating and letting time pass.

We will first consider cure of the constant symptoms and then of the recurring attacks.

Where Does Self Esteem Come From?

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Our self esteem develops and evolves throughout our lives as we build an image of ourselves through our experiences with different people and activities. Experiences during our childhood play a particularly large role in the shaping of our basic self esteem.

When we were growing up, our successes (and failures) and how we were treated by the members of our immediate family, by our teachers, coaches, religious authorities, and by our peers, all contributed to the creation of our basic self esteem.

An adult who has healthy self esteem was given this gift in childhood. This could have been done in many ways. Probably one of the most important is being praised for accomplishments. Children who are talked to respectfully and listened to also contributed to healthy self esteem in adulthood. These children were hugged often and given attention and experienced some type of success in school or sporting activities.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have to identify the childhood for those adults who have poor self esteem. These children were often criticized harshly, were yelled at or beaten, and were given little attention by those they were closest to. They were ridiculed and even teased as they experienced failures in their young lives. They were made to feel they had to be perfect in order to be valued and associated failure in situations as a failure of their whole selves.

It’s sad, isn’t it? To think of a child treated that way. What’s even sadder is the effect that treatment has on their lives as adults. We are shaped and molded by our experiences. Do you recognize yourself?

How we feel about ourselves can influence how we live our lives. People who feel that they are likable and lovable (in other words people with good self esteem) have better relationships. They are more likely to ask for help and support from friends and family when they need it. People who believe they can accomplish goals and solve problems are more likely to do well in school. Having good self esteem allows you to accept yourself and live life to the fullest.

Self esteem plays a role in almost everything we do. People with high self esteem do better in school and find it easier to make friends. They tend to have better relationships with peers and adults, feel happier, find it easier to deal with mistakes, disappointments, and failures, and are more likely to stick with something until they succeed. It takes some work, but it’s a skill you’ll have for life.

This book is about how to raise your self esteem, so we will focus on the low self esteem that many people have these days. You can overcome issues with low self esteem. It’s not as difficult as you might think. In fact, all you have to do is recognize, understand, and use the techniques we will give you.

What is Self Esteem

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Esteem is a simple word. It is worth and value that we apply to people, places, and situations. It is the amount of respect we assess. We have esteem for our world leaders. We have esteem for places like church and synagogue. We have esteem for an exemplary performance whether it is in sports, acting, or simply doing the right thing.

But the most important place we need to apply esteem is within ourselves. We must maintain our self esteem in order to place value on ourselves as a worthy individual in the world. Self esteem can affect every single part of our lives. If that esteem is low, our lives will be dull and gray. Elevating esteem for ourselves could very well be the key to happiness in life.

Most people’s feelings and thoughts about themselves fluctuate somewhat based on their daily experiences. The grade you get on an exam, how your friends treat you, ups and downs in a romantic relationship-all can have a temporary impact on your wellbeing.

Your own self esteem, however, is something more fundamental than the normal “ups and downs” associated with situational changes. For people with good basic self esteem, normal “ups and downs” may lead to temporary fluctuations in how they feel about themselves, but only to a limited extent. In contrast, for people with poor basic self esteem, these “ups and downs” may make all the difference in the world.

People with poor self esteem often rely on how they are doing in the present to determine how they feel about themselves. They need positive external experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly plague them. Even then, the good feeling (from a good grade, etc.) can be temporary.

Healthy self esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations (which is part of being human) and at the same time accepting ourselves as worthy and worthwhile without conditions or reservations.

What we want to do is help you raise your self esteem to levels that will enhance your life and the way you view life. It can make a tremendous difference in your quality of life. Learning techniques to raise self esteem can be taught and put into practice in just a few days. However, it will take practice to keep your self-worth at the forefront.

We can show you how to improve your self esteem in just one weekend! Three short days where you will apply what this book will show you and that will stay with you as your life becomes the bright place it should be.

Kids and Self Esteem

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None of us were born with low self-worth or low self-esteem. It developed through the years by what we were told and how we were made to feel by the people in our lives. Whether you have children or not, you can make a difference in a child’s view of themselves and stop the cycle of low self-esteem problems.

The obvious first step toward fostering a good self-image and self esteem in children is to provide them with unconditional love and caring. Don’t criticize or berate them. Always focus on the positives and provide encouragement in everything they do.

More specifically, however, there are many, many other things you can do. First, you should model good self esteem. Express through your actions and words that you respect yourself. Children are wonderful at imitating what they see and hear. Be a good role model.

Create positive routines. Young children need routines to help them to feel secure and competent. Try to set a good schedule for bedtime, rest/naps, meals, etc. Try to keep exceptions to the routine to a minimum and explain any necessary changes if/when they occur.

Allow many opportunities for children to contribute to the family. Give the child a job/chore that only he/she does for the family. Even a small job can have a positive lasting impact on a child’s self esteem.

Talk about the world in positive terms. Even though there is negativity in the world, don’t dwell on it with a child. Be sure to point out the many positive things in the world to children, even if you don’t believe it yourself its important in building their self esteem.

Give them the gift of your time. Remember quality is more important than quantity. Even if you spend just 30 minutes with a child one on one — playing games, taking walks, having long bedtime chats, or just snuggling in front of the TV, spending time with a child shows them that you value their company. Think Self Esteem.

Give them choices. By giving a child choices between a reasonable set of options that are already predetermined, you will make them feel empowered. But be cautious here. Too much control sends the message that your children can’t adequately handle their lives. Too little control sends the message you don’t care, so you must strike a balance between these two extremes and give them more freedom as they grow older.

Acknowledge and listen to their thoughts and emotions since they are so much a part of who they are. Listening to you offspring with empathy says you care about what they think and feel. Plus it will create an atmosphere in which they will be more willing to listen to you.

Kids and Self Esteem 2
Kids and Self Esteem 3
Kids and Self Esteem 4

Kids and Self Esteem 2

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You don’t always have to agree with your kids when you listen to them, nor let them do whatever they want. You can have a different view on a situation and still understand their perspective. And you may still have to discipline them even if you better understand why they misbehaved.

You should structure situations so your children experience more success than failure. Don’t expect standards of performance which they cannot achieve. You want them to grow up with far more praise than criticism, more accomplishments than failures this helps build self esteem.

Let your children know they are lovable and capable. Again, this is a self-evident principle and helps build self esteem. You should give your children daily expressions of affection – hugs, kisses, words of love, praise and appreciation. Think of them as cups of love which you want to fill with as much caring as you can.

Provide security for them. Children need to feel secure this is very important in building and maintaining self esteem. Few feel secure when there are conflicts occurring around them. Few can relax inwardly when others around them are shouting, accusing, criticizing and hating each other. To a small child, tension between parents, or between parents and the child or other children, constitute a deep chasm of insecurity. Plus, they may end up blaming themselves for the conflicts around them.

Avoid arguing around them as much as possible. If they do see conflict, make sure they also see resolution of the conflict. Not everything in life is peaches and cream and problems do arise. People will argue – it’s a fact of life. The important part here is that the child sees a peaceful resolution in the end. This will teach them problem solving skills and help them realize that even though there is conflict in the world, there is also a way to resolve it in ways that everyone benefits from. Self Esteem.

Go back to KIDS AND SELF-ESTEEM

Kids and Self Esteem 3

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Our children need to know that we accept and love them regardless of what they may do, but also that certain forms of behavior are not acceptable to us. We should, however, investigate for ourselves why this behavior is not acceptable.

Is it because it will be potentially harmful to the child, to someone else, or to us? Or is it simply because we are programmed that it should not be done? Or does the behavior conflict with our expectations based on our personal needs and dreams for the child? Or are we afraid of what the others will think about our child and subsequently about us? This has a lot to do with your child’s self esteem and self image.

We must be very clear about why we are rejecting a certain behavior. Our rejection can come out of a place of real love and concern for the child, if, in fact, we are not simply protecting our own interests. As long as a certain behavior does no real harm to anyone, it is best to allow the child to pursue it. Self Esteem.

Something within them, some need is guiding them to explore that kind of activity. They have something to learn through doing that. This does not mean that there are not moments where control or even natural or logical consequences may be necessary. But we need to be sure that the reasons are valid and have to do with real issues of safety or morality and not because we are disappointed with their grades or selection of hobbies, interests or friends. Self Esteem.

In order to love our children unconditionally, we will need to start loving ourselves unconditionally. We will have to let go of all the prerequisites we have put on our own self-love and Self Esteem. We will need to love ourselves even though we are not perfect, even though we make mistakes, even when others do not love and accept us. The more we free our self-love from the various prerequisites, the more our love for our children and others will become unconditional.

Go back to KIDS AND SELF-ESTEEM

Nervous Illness

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People have suffering from the commonest, simplest form of nervous illness (simple form of Anxiety State) complain of some, or all, of the following symptoms; fatigue, churning stomach, indigestion, racing heart, banging heart, palpitations, “missed” heartbeats, a sharp pain under the heart, a sore feeling around the heart, sweating hands, “pins and needles” in the hands and feet (especially the hands), a choking feeling in the throat, an inability to take in a deep breath, a tight feeling across the chest, “ants” crawling under the skin, a tight band of pain around the head, giddiness, strange tricks of vision such as the apparent movement of inanimate objects, weak “spells”, sleeplessness, depression. Nausea, occasional vomiting, diarrhea, and the frequent desire to pass urine may be added to the list. Self Esteem.

Sufferers from these symptoms are quite certain that there is something seriously wrong with them and cannot believe that anyone else could have had such a distressing experience. Many feel convinced that they have a brain tumor (at least something “deep seated”) or that they are on the verge of insanity. Their one wish is to be, as quickly as possible, the person they used to be before this “horrible thing” happened to them. They are rarely aware that their symptoms are nervous (emotional) in origin and follow a well-recognized pattern shared by numerous sufferers like themselves, the pattern of continuous fear and tension. Self Esteem.