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50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part 10

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38. The Decision Making Form- If you’re having trouble making up your mind about something, you can use the Decision-Making Form. This form will show will show why you’re getting hung up  and will help you finalize your decision. The purpose of the Decision Making Form is not to tell you what to do, but to show you what the real issues are and how you feel about them.

Exposure Techniques for Anxiety

39. Gradual Exposure and Flooding- Gradual Exposure and Flooding are both forms of exposure therapy for anxiety disorders. When you use Gradual Exposure, you expose yourself to the thing you fear in small steps so that it won’t be quite so terrifying. In contrast, when you use flooding, you expose yourself to the thing you fear all at once. For example, if you have an elevator phobia, force yourself to get on an elevator and stay there, no matter  how anxious you feel, until your fear disappears. Gradual Exposure is less traumatic, but it takes longer. Flooding is much more frightening, but it works more rapidly. Both approaches have been used successfully in the treatment of nearly all forms of anxiety.

40. Response Prevention- Response Prevention is an important key to the treatment of all forms of anxiety. It’s often combined with Exposure. For example, let’s say you have a powerful urge to check the mailbox over and over after you drop a letter in. Using Response Prevention, you would drop a letter into the mailbox and walk away without checking it as you usually do. Your anxiety will temporarily get worse, and you’ll feel compelled to check it. But if you refuse to give in to the urge to check the mailbox, your anxiety will eventually disappear.

50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part 9

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35. Paradoxical Cost -Benefit Analysis– List only the advantages of a negative thought, belief, feeling, addiction, or relationship problem. The list will make you aware of all the powerful forces that keep you stuck. Ask yourself, “Given all the advantages of this thought (or attitude or behavior), why should I change?”

36. Devil’s Advocate Technique– This is a Role Playing Technique. Another person plays the role of the Devil who tempts you to drink, overeat, procrastinate, or date the wrong person. You talk back to those thoughts in real time. Role-reversals can be helpful when you get stuck. For example, if you are overweight, imagine being in a mall where fast food is sold. The Devil might say, “Gee, why don’t  you get one of those hot, buttery cinnamon buns? They just came out of our oven. They’d taste so good. You deserve it.” You would fight back and say, “I don’t need a cinnamon bun, and I’ll feel terrible if I give in. I’m determined to stick with my diet, and I’m looking forward to fitting into more attractive clothes.” The Devil can try to break down again, and you will fight back.  This method is surprisingly challenging, especially if the Devil is familiar with your own rationalizations and expresses them in a seductive and persuasive manner.

37. Stimulus Control– If you’re trying to break a bad habit, such as alcoholism or overeating, you can reduce temptation rather than struggling with it. For example, if you drink too much, don’t go to places where alcohol is served, and get rid of all the alcoholic beverages in  your house. Stimulus Control is not a complete treatment, but an important part of a more comprehensive program.

50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part 8

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self esteem walk picSelf Esteem:

32. Little Steps for Big Feats: If you have trouble with procrastination, you can break large, overwhelming tasks down into small steps that you can tackle one at a time. If you tell yourself you have to clean the entire garage today, you’ll never get started. Instead, break it down into small steps. Tell yourself you only have to carry two cardboard boxes out to the trash. That will feel far less overwhelming and you may end up doing a great deal more than you planned.

33. Anti-Procrastination Sheet: This is similar to Little Steps for Big Feats but it’s more sophisticated. Break a large task down into small steps and predict how difficult and how satisfying each step will be on a scale from 0% to 100%. Record these predictions on the Anti-Procrastination Sheet. After completing each small step, record how difficult and satisfying it turned out to be on a scale  from 0% – 1o0%. Now compare your predictions with the outcome. Many people discover that each small step is far easier and much more rewarding than they expected.

Anti-Resistance Techniques

34. Straightforward Cost-Benefit Analysis (CBA): List the advantages and disadvantages of a Negative Thought (I’m such a loser) or Self-Defeating Belief (I should be perfect). You can also do a CBA for a negative feeling like anger, guilt, or anxiety, a habit, or a relationship problem. In each case, ask yourself, ” What are the advantages and disadvantages of this belief, feeling, or habit? How will it help me and how will it hurt me?” After you list all the advantages and disadvantages, balance them against each other on a 100-point scale so you can see whether the costs or the benefits or your mind-set are greater.

Self Esteem

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50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part 7

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self esteem beach picSelf Esteem: Anti-Procrastination Techniques

30. Daily Activity Schedule: When you’re depressed, everything seems overwhelming, and nothing seems worth doing, so you may give up on life. The Daily Activity Schedule can help you overcome do-nothingism. Record what you do each hour from the time you get up in the morning to the time you go to bed at night. Rate how satisfying each activity was on a scale from 0 (not at all satisfying) to 5 (the most satisfying). A review of the schedule will show you which activities boost your mood the most.

31.  Pleasure Predicting Sheet: Schedule a series of activities with the potential for pleasure, learning, or personal growth. Indicate whom you plan to do each activity with. Include activites you can do by yourself (such as jogging) as well as activities with other people. Predict how satisfying each activity will be on a scale from 0% (the least) to 100% (the most). After you complete each activity, record how satisfying it actually turned out to be on the same scale. Now compare your actual satisfaction ratings with your predictions. Many depressed people find that lots of activities turn out to be more rewarding than they predicted. This discovery can boost your motivation. You can also compare the satisfaction you get from being alone with the satisfaction you get from being with other people. This can help you test Self-Defeating Beliefs such as, “If I’m alone, I’m bound to feel miserable. ”

Self Esteem

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self esteem serenity picSelf Esteem: Humorous techniques

21. Paradoxical Magnification: Instead of refuting your Negative Thoughts, you can buy into them and exxaggerate them. Don’t try to argue with your NTs. Instead, make them as extreme as possible. For example, if you feel inferior, you could tell yourself, “Yes, it’s true. In fact, I’m probably the most inferior person in California at this time.” Paradoxically, this humorous method can sometimes provide objectivity and relief. Of course, if you’re really feeling upset, this may have the unintended effect of making you feel even worse. If so, go on to another method.

22. Shame-Attacking Exercises: If you suffer from shyness, you probably have intense fears of looking foolish in front of other people. Shame-Attacking Exercises are a specific and potent antidote to these kinds of fears. You intentionally do something foolish in public. For example, you could stand up and loudly announce each stop on a bus or shout out the time in a crowded department store. When you make a fool of yourself on purpose, you realize that the world doesn’t really come to an end, and that people don’t really look down on you. This discovery can be tremendously liberating.

29. What-If Technique: This technique is similar to the Downward Arrow Technique, but it’s geared specifically to anxiety. Draw a downward arrow under a Negative Thought and ask yourself, “What if that were true? What’s the worst that could happen? What do I fear the most?” A new Negative Thought or fantasy will come to mind. Write it down under the arrow and repeat the process several times. You will generate additional thoughts until you uncover the fantasy that frightens you the most. Then you can ask  yourself, “How likely is it that this would happen? And could I live with it if it did?”

Self Esteem

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50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking 5

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self esteem park picSelf Esteem: Philosophical/ Spiritual Techniques

18. Acceptance Paradox: Instead of defending yourself against your own criticisms, you can find truth in them and accept your shortcomings with tranquility. Tell yourself, “It’s true that I have many inadequacies. In fact, there is very little, if anything, about me that couldn’t be improved considerably.”

Role-Playing Techniques

19. Externalization of Voices: This Role-Playing technique requires two people and transforms intellectual understanding into emotional change at the gut level. It is by far the most powerful of all cognitive therapy techniques, but it can be quite challenging and even a bit upsetting at first. You and the other person take turns playing the role of your Negative Thoughts and the role of your Positive Thoughts. The person playing the Negative Thoughts attacks, and the person playing the Positive Thoughts defends. Use role-reversal when you get stuck.

20. Feared Fantasy Technique: Like the Externalization of Voices, this is a two person technique. You and the other person act out your worst fears, such as being rejected because you aren’t smart enough or good enough. When you face your worst fear, you often gain liberation from it. Your worst fears ususally don’t turn out to be real monsters, but figments of your imagination that can be defeated with a little logic, compassion, and common sense.

Other Role-Playing Methods: Many techniques are more effective when used in a role playing format. These include: the Double Standard Technique, the Devil’s Advocate, the Acceptance Paradox, the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, the David Letterman Technique, and Flirting Training. Of course, you will need the help of another person, such as your therapist or a friend.

Self Esteem

50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part
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50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part 4

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self esteem river picSelf Esteem- 14. Let’s Define Terms: When you label yourself as “inferior” or “a fool” or “a loser,” ask yourself what those labels mean. You’ll see that there’s no such thing as a “fool” or a “loser.” Foolish behavior exists, but fools and losers do not. Ask your self, “What’s the definition of an inferior human being or a loser? What is my definition of someone who is hopeless? When I say I’m hopeless, what claim am I making?”

15. Be Specific: Stick with reality and avoid judgments about reality. For example, instead of thinking of yourself as totally defective, you can focus on your specific strengths and weaknesses.

Quantitative Technique

16. Self-Monitoring: Keep track of repetitious negative thoughts or anxiety-producing fantasies by counting them. You can count your thoughts in a couple different ways. You can keep a 3×5 card in your wallet or pocket. Each time you have a Negative Thought, put a tick mark on the card. Alternatively, you can use a wrist counter like the ones golfers wear to keep track of their scores. At the end of the day, record the total on your calendar. Usually, the upsetting thoughts will diminish and disappear after about three weeks of Self-Monitoring.

17. Negative Practice: Schedule several minutes each day to worry or beat up on yourself mentally. For example, if you constantly beat up yourself because of you shortcomings, you can schedule several five minute periods each day to berate yourself and feel miserable. At those times, you can be as self-critical as you want and rip yourself to shreds with gusto. You can use the rest of teh time for joyous, productive living.

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Self Esteem

50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part 3

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self esteem hut picSelf Esteem: Logic Based Technique

10. Socratic Method: Ask yourself several questions that will lead to the inconsistencies in your Negative Thoughts. For example, you might ask yourself, “When  I say that I’m a failure at life, do I mean that I fail some things some of the time, or all things all of the time?” If you say, “some things some of the time,” you can point out that this is true of all human beings. If you say, “all of the things all of the time,” you can point out that this isn’t true of anyone, since no one fails at everything.

11. Thinking in Shades of Gray: Instead of thinking about your problems in black and white categories, you evaluate them in shades of gray. When things don’t work out well as you’d hoped, you can think of the experience as a partial success or a learning opportunity. Pinpoint your specific errors instead of writing yourself off as a total failure.

12. Process Vs. Outcome: You evaluate your performance based on the process– the effort you put in — rather than the outcome. Your efforts are within your control, but the outcome is not.

Semantic Techniques

13. Semantic Method: Substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t have made that mistake,” you can tell yourself, “It would be preferable if I hadn’t made that mistake.” This method is especially helpful for should statements and labeling.

50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part
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Self Esteem

50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part 2

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self esteem picCompassion Based Techniques

5. Double Standard Technique: Instead of putting yourself down, you talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you might talk to a dear friend who was upset. Ask yourself, “Would I say such harsh things to a friend with a similar problem? If not, why not? What would I say to him or her?”

Truth-Based Techniques

6. Examine the Evidence: Instead of assuming that your Negative Thought is true , you examine the evidence for it.  Ask yourself, “What are facts? What do they show?”

7. Experimental Technique: You do an experiment test to test the validity of your Negative Thought, in much the same way that a scientist would test a theory. Ask yourself, “How could I test this Negative Thought to find out if it’s really valid?”

8. Survey Method: You do a survey to find out if your thoughts are realistic. Ask yourself, “How do other people think and feel about this? Could I ask some friends about this to get some feedback?” For example, if you belive that social anxiety is rare or shameful, simply ask several friends if they’ve ever felt that way.

9. Reattribution: Instead of blaming yourself entirely for a problem, you can think about the many factors that contributed to it. You can also focus on solving the problem instead of blaming yourself for it. Ask yourself, “What caused this problem? What I contribute and what did others contribute? What can I learn from the situation?”

50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking Part
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50 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking

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self esteem positive-thinking pic

Self Esteem-1. Empathy: When you’re upset, you need someone to listen and see the world through your eyes without trying to cheer you up, change you, help you, or give you advice. Although this usually won’t cure you, it’s often a necessary first step. It can be a tremendous relief to feel that someone’s listening.  Similarly, you can empathize when you’re trying to help a friend or family member who feels upset. Usually, all they really want is for you to be a good listener.

2. Agenda Setting: Agenda Setting is the most basic and important technique of all. First try to define a specific problem you want help with. It must be specific as to person, place, and time. Ask yourself, “What is the specific problem I want help with? What time of day did it happen? Where was I? Who was I interacting with? What was going on? Second ask yourself if you’re motivated and willing to roll up your sleeves and work on it now, rather than just talking about it endlessly. Ask yourself. “what would it be worth to me to solve this problem? How hard would I be willing to work on the solution?”

3. Identify the Distortions: Use the checklist of cognitive distortions to identify the distortions in each of your negative thoughts.

4. Straightforward Technique: You try to substitute a more positive and realistic thought for each of your Negative Thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this Negative Thought really true? Do I really believe it? Is there another way to look at the situation?”

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Self Esteem