Self esteem, as human beings have gone to the moon, split the atom, unraveled the genetic code, probed the birth of the universe and achieved technological triumphs with impressive, blinding brilliance. Yet I wonder if achieving inner triumphs within ourselves is just as important. Isn’t it strange that we can spit the atom and go to the moon, but we cant feed the physical emotional, self esteem, and spiritual starvation of others and our selves? But isn’t the pursuit of knowledge the key to advancing our evolution? We see this today with the technology of the internet and how it can supply almost any bit of information we want. However, don’t we have generations of people stressed, depressed with low self esteem on Prozac, lonely, confused leading meaningless lives, and addicted to everything from food and television to drugs and alcohol? The fastest growing addiction today is the computer and the internet. Perhaps the focus should not be so centered outside of our selves but rather within.

Is it so painful to spend some time each day silently going inside our inner mind and conducting an “inner ritual” to access knowledge, insight, and direction like you would the internet? Self esteem. One might say, “but, I don’t have the time!” the average person fills most gaps of silent space with a barrage of stimulation. For example, he/she may get into the car and listen to the radio on the way to work. On their lunch hour, he/she may read a paper. Self esteem. When arriving at home this same person turns on the television for up t four hours. When it is time for bed, the stimulated mind is still online, making it difficult to go to sleep. This may go on for the next 40 years. Yet we say we are looking for more purpose, meaning, excitement and balance in our lives even though we stuff our selves with a multimedia smorgasbord on a daily basis. Self esteem.

The Meaning of Self Esteem

Self esteem is a way of thinking, feeling and acting that implies that you accept, respect, trust and believe in yourself. When you accept yourself, you can live comfortably with both your personal strengths and weaknesses without undue self criticism. When you respect yourself, you acknowledge your own dignity and value as a unique human being. You treat yourself well in much the same way you would treat someone you respect. Self trust means that your behaviors and feelings are consistent enough to give you an inner sense of continuity and coherence despite changes and challenges in your external circumstances. To believe in yourself means that you feel you deserve to have the good things in life. It also means that you have confidence that you can fulfill your deepest personal needs, aspirations, and goals. To get a sense about your own level of self esteem, think of someone (or imagine what it would be like to know someone) whom you fully accept, respect, trust, and believe in. now ask yourself to what extent you hold these attitudes toward yourself.

SELF ESTEEM AND FORGIVENESS

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Forgiveness is a very important virtue that helps in increasing ones self esteem. When one forgives others, they become relieved of that “thing” that was creating a boundary between them. This way, one is able to gain respect from the other as forgiveness goes a very long way. Without forgiveness, one has very odd and bad feelings that always lead to anger. These feelings are a path to low self esteem, thus, without forgiveness one develops low self esteem. Since forgiveness relieves one from all these disapproving feelings, it brings about a reunion and people become social and happy with each other, which increases self esteem. Forgiveness also improves people’s relationships and makes strong friendships, through which one generates high self esteem.

Group coaching: One more choice for social person who would like to build the self esteem together with the expert and other participants, is the group coaching. The group coaching that is led by the self esteem coach will have same power as the personal coaching and giving social support from many people instead one (coach).

Personal coaching: The personal coaching is your choice in case, you are actually serious & wish to develop your self-esteem. The self-esteem coach can help you find the strengths & point out what you actually want to work on. The self-esteem coach will ask you questions you require to find answers as well as motivation you need.

Self awareness exercises: Developing the self awareness you can raise the self esteem. Meditation is good in case, you wish to develop your self-awareness. You may try yoga and some other type of the martial arts. Practicing these you can probably raise the self esteem without noticing.

Music: Like with the films, music is good & bad for self-esteem. Providing you listen to the songs with the positive lyrics and cheerful songs and relaxing songs, and they can help you build your self esteem. Songs with the positive lyrics are particularly good as they brainwash you with the positive messages of yourself.

 

POINTS TO REFLECT ON TO MAINTAIN HIGH SELF ESTEEM

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Some points should always be reflected on to maintain high self esteem. These include thinking positively in every situation. Negative thoughts should always be interrupted with positive ones. Having a smile on your face is another point to note as a smile attracts others to you and there you can exchange ideas. Facing ones fears as well as forgetting the failures will always lead you to high self esteem. Keeping out the worry of what other people think of you is another point to be reflected on; this gives you the chance to think of the future and your success. Commending yourself in every little thing you do keeps you on the go as well as maintains your high self esteem. Being nice to others and avoiding undermining them, helps you maintain a high self esteem.

When your requirement for the self esteem is been fulfilled then you are free continuing your journey for self actualisation.

Books: There are many books that will help you increase self esteem. Read the self esteem and self help book (like Self-Esteem Toolbox) and just pick the book, which makes you feel very good about yourself. Book does not necessarily need to be about topic self-esteem to raise the self-esteem. Select books, which are positive & inspiring.

Home study Plan: In order, to benefit from guidance of the expert and you have comfortability & freedom to work on the self esteem where and when you want, you may select the self esteem home study plan. Check for instance Self Esteem Toolkit Series (3 versions: basic, “for the busy people” & deluxe).

Courses: In case, you wish to raise the self esteem with the expert guidance & together with people, then take the self esteem course is one great option. By raising self-esteem is fun & you may build a lot of new friendships. Check if there are courses going in the local area and take the distance course.

 

PERSONALITY AND SELF ESTEEM

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Personality a lot where self esteem is concerned. Different characteristics determine your self esteem. Being emotionally stable is a sign of high self esteem as well as being friendly to other people. These personality traits bring about joy when one is interacting and helping others. They also enable on to reason well and make informed decisions, having positive thoughts and rational judgment. Other traits are key to low self esteem. Being antisocial, having negative thoughts and having feelings that are easily hurt by others are qualities that show low self esteem in a person. These different personalities affect your self esteem either positively or negatively. Like you may choose to go on bed one hour earlier daily to fulfill you requirement for sleep, you may choose to increase the self esteem just by getting yourself the self esteem coach, and reading the self esteem books and taking the self-esteem course.

On top of the Maslow’s pyramid is need for the self actualisation, that is to become everything you can become. To actualize your potential you MUST have your self esteem. In the same way, you can’t develop your self esteem in case, you have got no food to eat. And you can’t skip to top of the Maslow’s pyramid of the human needs without all of your basic requirements are fulfilled. In case, you would like to live the life to maximum & realize your potential you have to build your self-esteem. Maslow isn’t an only psychologist that has claimed the self esteem being the basic human requirement.

For instance, Max-Neef put the self esteem (with the sense to know oneself & belonging somewhere) as from 9 different human requirements. The self esteem must be taken very seriously. Everyone needs the self esteem. In case, you have the low self-esteem then it means you are deficient in your basic requirements. This can obviously affect the life, like you are tired and irritated while you haven’t eaten for very long time. Good news is you may choose to increase your self-esteem.

 

PEER PRESSURE AND ITS EFFECTS ON SELF ESTEEM

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Not all our friends are good, some of them are likely to mislead us when we follow what they are doing or what they are advising us on thus they may ruin our life. So it’s upon you to analyze the kind of friends you have. When you have a healthy self esteem it means that you are able to make decisions on your own. As such, try and pick friends based on their positive attributes. Your friends may have suggestions on what you should do but you as an individual need to make the final decision. Peer pressure can either drive one to low self esteem or high self esteem. Seek to have people who build you as opposed to those who may take pleasure in putting you down or always saying something negative.

In case, you are suffering from the low self confidence (and are told you do), and treat people with the low confidence (and think you do), then read on. Also, there are some self esteem myths, which will block the progress while trying to lift the self esteem. The low self worth is scientifically studied & actual findings of the research helped inform facts you can come over here.  Mark Tyrrell, the co-author of Self Confidence Trainer, has completed the UK tours in 2002, 2003 & 2005 teaching many health experts the facts about the self esteem as well as how you may treat your low self esteem in patients.

He has co-authored the book on the self worth for the Axis Publishing named Giant Within – Maximise Self Worth. Like you may imagine, Mark has done lots of research for seminar on ‘How to Lift Your Low Self Esteem’. He also has listed his most important ‘Tips’ here. By stopping the people being bullies just by trying to lift the self esteem might be like trying in getting the obese person to lose little weight by th1e way of feeding more cake.

 

LEVELS OF SELF ESTEEM

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Self esteem occurs in three different levels because it’s a concept that develops gradually. The basic degrees of self esteem are considered as:

  • Having a high self esteem means feeling confidently capable in life, a feel of worth or a feel of being the right person in everything.
  • Having a low self esteem means a person is not up to the standards of everyday living otherwise the person feels he/she is the wrong one.
  • Having a mild self esteem means the person is in two states. A state crowded with confusing and conflicting decisions. The person feels capable and ineffective, appropriate and inappropriate and this is shown through actions like lateness and rashness at times. This amounts to insecurity.

However, the more flexible a person is, the better he/she can resist everything that would otherwise make them fall into a low esteem desperation. Truth is you are the worthy human being without those things. In case, you are suffering from low self esteem, then here are some things that you may do in order to overcome this.

Stop Comparing to Other People: And it is unfortunate however many people start comparing themselves to people while they are young. The parents, and other loved ones, can tell them they are not very good as somebody else and they must strive to be like them in the effort to get it to improve in talent or behavior. Problem with this is that there can always be the people who are much better than you in some task, have an access to more sources, and are in the better job position. By comparing yourself to people is the self defeating & unnecessary act. You need to appreciate your strengths & good qualities.

Remember Your Achievement: One more method you may raise your self esteem is remember when you have achieved the goal and had some other successes in your life. Very often we reflect on times while we failed & we start to think we may do nothing right. Truth is you have had as many successes in the life as you had the failures. Take out one piece of paper & start writing them down & read them when you start to feel very bad about yourself this is great self esteem building.

Associate with the Positive People: The negative people are the people who just see what is actually wrong with the whole world. Self Esteem will save us all!

 

INFLUENCES OF SELF ESTEEM

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There are three main stimuli to self esteem:

  1. i.        Reflected appraisal– This refers to messages received from those who assess you. For example, people tend to be unable to believe in themselves with low self esteem once those who are close to them do not acknowledge them.
  2. ii.        Social comparison – is the individuals’ evaluation done by comparison of one’s own capability, characteristics and achievements to others. If a person is surrounded by superior people perceived to be more talented, they tend to lose their esteem and the ‘versa’ is true with low self esteem.
  3. iii.        Self-worth contingencies – This is how self esteem is influenced and this is through what is professed to be of utmost importance to us. For example, one person’s self esteem is raised in academics hence gaining a lot of friends.

They are likely to abuse themselves, as well as might stay in the physically and emotionally abusive relationships. Low self esteem can actually affect every aspect of lives our relationships, income, and health. I have also seen firsthand how the low self esteem will lead to debit, under earning, obesity and anorexia, as well as anti-social behavior. Our self esteem evolves and develops throughout lives when we build the image of ourselves through experiences with various people as well as activities. Experiences during childhood play large role in shaping of the basic self esteem“.

Lots of times, in case, we are suffering from the low self-esteem in the childhood, then this might plague us in our adolescence & adulthood. In case, we are suffering from the negative thoughts regarding ourselves we will attract the negative situations, and when provided many options, we might just see the negative solution, as it matches the comfort level. Plenty of our time is actually spent dealing with self absorbed negative thoughts, which we can’t be of service to people. That motivated me, as I am the spiritual person and can help others. For past decade I have studied methods to improve my own self esteem as well as are keenly aware how self esteem issues may impact lives of family and friends. And this led in improving my diet as well as dressing better that in turn lead to productivity & satisfaction in work life that lead to income & opportunities. Think about your personality and find one thing that is admirable. Are you kind, compassionate, creative or tenacious? Focus on one aspect of the personality & watch what actually happens.

CAUSES OF LOW SELF ESTEEM IN KIDS

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Kids with low self esteem usually disparage themselves as they don’t even see themselves achieving anything in life. This is usually brought by parents, who are the key factor to motivating their young ones, whereby they don’t encourage kids in whatever they do. Low self esteem in kids is also caused by squabbling of parents, who have their differences, ending up in yells and fights at times. This will always lower your kid’s self esteem as they have no one to term as their role models. Teachers are also a great course of low self esteem in kids especially if they don’t ever appreciate how kids perform and guide them to improving their performance in class. At times kids may not perform to their expected levels in some subjects, and if not motivated by teachers, they end up hating the subject and thus gain low self esteem.

There many methods where you may use smiles for raising self-esteem. Here are a few suggestions:
Smile at yourself. While you do this then “happiness hormones” are been released in brain. While your eyes see image of you at a same time since these hormones are swirling over you, and your brain can begin to associate image of you with the pleasant feeling. You may program the brain to think You = Good. Essence of the self esteem is knowledge you are good, thus this is one simple and powerful method to raise your self-esteem.

Smile at people! Lots of people unfortunately base the sense of how fine they are on and how others treat them. Though true self esteem generally comes from inside, you may still make use of others to help you to raise the self esteem. More that you smile to others, more others may smile on you.

Finally, try and simple smile. You do not actually need the mirror and other people’s presence for raising your self-esteem just by smiling. More you smile, better you get in feeling happy. Happiness isn’t something, which happens to lucky, it is the skill, which is trained. Practice feeling happy & you can automatically feel much happy about yourself. People are labeled as having the low self esteem that are shy and reserved. I do not think that you may say somebody has low self-esteem because they feel little inadequate in area of life.

Videos games as a self esteem builder?

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A study was recently held to judge the impact of video games and self esteem. the study conducted by the university of essex, found that the games allowed gamers to adopt desired personality traits, which in turn bolsters their self esteem. “a game can be more fun when you get the chance to act and be like your ideal self”, explained the lead on this study. the fun that it gives people the chance to think about the role they would like to play in this world, rather than the one they are dealt.

much research on video games has concentrated on the possible harmful effects however, ignoring the simple question why people actually want to play these video games and escape reality.

the idea that people are using these games as a positive, self esteem builder instead of a way to merely escape their lives is itself significant. “i was heartened by the findings which showed that people were not running away from themselves but running towards their ideals,” said the leader of this project. “they are not escaping to nowhere, they are escaping to somewhere and bettering themselves in the process.”

“Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true”

 

Do women have as much self esteem as men?

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A Swiss researcher has found there is no significant difference in women and men’s self esteem in adolescence and young adults. I don’t think this study will eliminate sayings like “you throw like a girl” but it could go along way in clearing up misconceptions that men have more feelings of self worth than women, which is a leading cause in self esteem issues.

Basel University reviewed data from young adults section of the national longitudinal survey of youth from the United States to see how young people’s self esteem developed over time. the sample was of 7100 people 14-30 of age of which forty-nine percent were female, was assessed every two years from 1994-2008. overall, 37% were white, 32% black, 20% Hispanic and 11% other.

the researchers looked at fiver personality traits – openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism – all affects self esteem. They also considered “sense of mastery” which is perception of control over ones life, risk taking tendencies, gender, ethnicity, health and income.

the surprise was the science team didnt find any major difference between male and female’s self esteem.

 

The Struggle of Self-Esteem while Fighting Cancer

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Cancer patients have a difficult time as is on a day to day struggle, much less dealing with self esteem issues on top of everything else. When facing cancer and other potentially terminal diseases self esteem is crucial for a patient. There is so much struggle present in beating cancer that a person needs their self esteem and self-worth to get through some of the most difficult times any person could face. Through the struggle of cancer there is also a struggle with image that patients must deal with while fighting cancer. A male cancer patient for example may suffer from changes in mood, as well as other severe physical side effects, such as muscle loss, loss of sexual ability. These things can really harm self-esteem as often times these things are what define the male race. Now however there are places that can help these people rebuild how they view themselves, places such as Loyola’s Coleman Foundation Image Renewal Center, a relaxing place that specifically helps men and women who are recovering from cancer to rebuild themselves. This is very important is it lets the individual rebuild how they view themselves as well as gain the self esteem back that often times is not as present after the struggle with cancer. This development is important with keeping a sense of yourself and how you are doing on certain personal issues that will undoubtedly arise. If it weren’t for centers like this the road through cancer would be even more difficult, and we are all lucky that centers like this for personal self esteem and image recovery are present.