SELF ESTEEM AND RELATIONSHIPS

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Happiness and good relationships are vital aspects in life. You can’t be assured of any happiness in you if you don’t relate well with other people as we often need their support in everything we do. As we all know, no man is an island and we need other people to survive. When you value yourself and those around you, this translates to high self esteem and encourages those you relate with to feel good about themselves as well. Having good relationships with your friends and family is vital and this can be through communication, doing things together, encouraging one another and looking out for each other.

With all the negative outcomes in the lives, they are ones, which have to raise the self esteem most. Unluckily, they are not motivated for seeking the self esteem coach, read the self esteem books and attend the self-esteem courses. Not till things get actually bad they can begin to look for some help. Instead waiting till things get totally worse, it is good to begin to look for different methods to raise the self-esteem instantly. Even though you think your self esteem is about average it is good to improve it rather than waiting for this to sink lower. The self esteem is relationship you have to yourself, sense of the personal worth. The self esteem may thus appear like the private issue. With the low self esteem the lives are been affected negatively in different directions. Less friends, short lasting as well as less satisfying relationships, depression, worse physical health, anxiety, stress and so on.

But, self esteem affects not just your life, but also it affects lives of everybody around you. Level of the self esteem affects how you actually treat others who you interact with and avoid interaction with. Also, you probably have been victim of somebody with the low self esteem yourself. Perhaps the colleague who try to impose their way on others, teacher who do their best to make life miserable, and maybe the grumpy neighbor.

 

SELF ESTEEM AND PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

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To some extent your physical appearance can tell the degree of your self esteem. For instance somebody with low self esteem feels that he is of less/no value, he is not loved, cared for, appreciated or respected by other people and will seem sad all the time. He will not be able to define himself as he will be confused not knowing what to do nor where to go. Unlike the person with high self esteem who will be happy and willing to talk and relate well with others. This is because he will feel good within himself, excited and grateful about life and thus ready to tackle anything. He will also mind how he carries himself around; with dignity and pride.

Unluckily, these people who actually are in need of raising the self esteem and people with very low self-esteem, are less likely when compared to people with the high self-esteem to do something to increase self esteem. People who require self esteem most are least possible to seek this. In all of self esteem program courses, which I have led, majority of participants are women and men with the high self esteem & good self awareness. It is no coincidence and have the high self esteem you have to often engage in the activities, which increase the self esteem. The self esteem does not appear out of nothing.

Many people who attend self esteem programs, read Self Esteem Toolbox, and contact me for the personal coaching are interested to develop themselves & in optimising the well being. Thus they are been used to doing things, which increase the well being. When you do something very good for yourself then you can tell to your brain you are very important & worthy to be taken care, and thus you can raise the self-esteem. The people who aren’t interested in the personal development do not seek out the self developing activities & are thus not used doing things, which improve the self-esteem. Thus the self-esteem is normally lower.

 

SELF ESTEEM AND LOVE

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Love plays a very big role in self esteem. Love is usually the most significant thing to have in life. As the greatest factor in improving self esteem, love symbolizes something good and no bad things are associated with it. When you love other people, you will never have bad feelings towards them and you will always remain loyal to them. This creates a better feeling that increases your self esteem. With love, ones actions are positive. Positive deeds make you have a high self esteem. Love is not only for people but also for our occupations. Loving our occupations and things we do makes us have high self esteem. Loving ourselves, no matter what image we portray, makes us confident in life. All the activities, which help you feel much better, physically & mentally, are as well good for the self-esteem.

Friends: Surrounding yourself by the positive, loving and supportive people can help you build self esteem. In case, you know this people you must spend more time. in case, you do not have enough of people in life you will find them just by joining any groups of high self esteem people. Probably you can find a few club and society in the local area. Or you may easily join the online community. Also, there are many positive groups of the people that are very much interested in the happiness, self esteem as well as personal development at Facebook.

Diary: Writing in the diary is just like having the conversation to yourself. Is there any good method to get and know yourself? In case, you keep the diary then you can realize good things and all non useful negative ideal that you have. And it can make it very simple to see what side of yourself you would like to keep & what parts you would like to develop.

Films: Films will pull your esteem down & they will lift your self esteem up. In case, you select films, which are positive, inspiring & make you feel very good then you may use them as the self esteem tool.

 

SELF ESTEEM AND FORGIVENESS

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Forgiveness is a very important virtue that helps in increasing ones self esteem. When one forgives others, they become relieved of that “thing” that was creating a boundary between them. This way, one is able to gain respect from the other as forgiveness goes a very long way. Without forgiveness, one has very odd and bad feelings that always lead to anger. These feelings are a path to low self esteem, thus, without forgiveness one develops low self esteem. Since forgiveness relieves one from all these disapproving feelings, it brings about a reunion and people become social and happy with each other, which increases self esteem. Forgiveness also improves people’s relationships and makes strong friendships, through which one generates high self esteem.

Group coaching: One more choice for social person who would like to build the self esteem together with the expert and other participants, is the group coaching. The group coaching that is led by the self esteem coach will have same power as the personal coaching and giving social support from many people instead one (coach).

Personal coaching: The personal coaching is your choice in case, you are actually serious & wish to develop your self-esteem. The self-esteem coach can help you find the strengths & point out what you actually want to work on. The self-esteem coach will ask you questions you require to find answers as well as motivation you need.

Self awareness exercises: Developing the self awareness you can raise the self esteem. Meditation is good in case, you wish to develop your self-awareness. You may try yoga and some other type of the martial arts. Practicing these you can probably raise the self esteem without noticing.

Music: Like with the films, music is good & bad for self-esteem. Providing you listen to the songs with the positive lyrics and cheerful songs and relaxing songs, and they can help you build your self esteem. Songs with the positive lyrics are particularly good as they brainwash you with the positive messages of yourself.

 

POINTS TO REFLECT ON TO MAINTAIN HIGH SELF ESTEEM

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Some points should always be reflected on to maintain high self esteem. These include thinking positively in every situation. Negative thoughts should always be interrupted with positive ones. Having a smile on your face is another point to note as a smile attracts others to you and there you can exchange ideas. Facing ones fears as well as forgetting the failures will always lead you to high self esteem. Keeping out the worry of what other people think of you is another point to be reflected on; this gives you the chance to think of the future and your success. Commending yourself in every little thing you do keeps you on the go as well as maintains your high self esteem. Being nice to others and avoiding undermining them, helps you maintain a high self esteem.

When your requirement for the self esteem is been fulfilled then you are free continuing your journey for self actualisation.

Books: There are many books that will help you increase self esteem. Read the self esteem and self help book (like Self-Esteem Toolbox) and just pick the book, which makes you feel very good about yourself. Book does not necessarily need to be about topic self-esteem to raise the self-esteem. Select books, which are positive & inspiring.

Home study Plan: In order, to benefit from guidance of the expert and you have comfortability & freedom to work on the self esteem where and when you want, you may select the self esteem home study plan. Check for instance Self Esteem Toolkit Series (3 versions: basic, “for the busy people” & deluxe).

Courses: In case, you wish to raise the self esteem with the expert guidance & together with people, then take the self esteem course is one great option. By raising self-esteem is fun & you may build a lot of new friendships. Check if there are courses going in the local area and take the distance course.

 

PERSONALITY AND SELF ESTEEM

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Personality a lot where self esteem is concerned. Different characteristics determine your self esteem. Being emotionally stable is a sign of high self esteem as well as being friendly to other people. These personality traits bring about joy when one is interacting and helping others. They also enable on to reason well and make informed decisions, having positive thoughts and rational judgment. Other traits are key to low self esteem. Being antisocial, having negative thoughts and having feelings that are easily hurt by others are qualities that show low self esteem in a person. These different personalities affect your self esteem either positively or negatively. Like you may choose to go on bed one hour earlier daily to fulfill you requirement for sleep, you may choose to increase the self esteem just by getting yourself the self esteem coach, and reading the self esteem books and taking the self-esteem course.

On top of the Maslow’s pyramid is need for the self actualisation, that is to become everything you can become. To actualize your potential you MUST have your self esteem. In the same way, you can’t develop your self esteem in case, you have got no food to eat. And you can’t skip to top of the Maslow’s pyramid of the human needs without all of your basic requirements are fulfilled. In case, you would like to live the life to maximum & realize your potential you have to build your self-esteem. Maslow isn’t an only psychologist that has claimed the self esteem being the basic human requirement.

For instance, Max-Neef put the self esteem (with the sense to know oneself & belonging somewhere) as from 9 different human requirements. The self esteem must be taken very seriously. Everyone needs the self esteem. In case, you have the low self-esteem then it means you are deficient in your basic requirements. This can obviously affect the life, like you are tired and irritated while you haven’t eaten for very long time. Good news is you may choose to increase your self-esteem.

 

PEER PRESSURE AND ITS EFFECTS ON SELF ESTEEM

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Not all our friends are good, some of them are likely to mislead us when we follow what they are doing or what they are advising us on thus they may ruin our life. So it’s upon you to analyze the kind of friends you have. When you have a healthy self esteem it means that you are able to make decisions on your own. As such, try and pick friends based on their positive attributes. Your friends may have suggestions on what you should do but you as an individual need to make the final decision. Peer pressure can either drive one to low self esteem or high self esteem. Seek to have people who build you as opposed to those who may take pleasure in putting you down or always saying something negative.

In case, you are suffering from the low self confidence (and are told you do), and treat people with the low confidence (and think you do), then read on. Also, there are some self esteem myths, which will block the progress while trying to lift the self esteem. The low self worth is scientifically studied & actual findings of the research helped inform facts you can come over here.  Mark Tyrrell, the co-author of Self Confidence Trainer, has completed the UK tours in 2002, 2003 & 2005 teaching many health experts the facts about the self esteem as well as how you may treat your low self esteem in patients.

He has co-authored the book on the self worth for the Axis Publishing named Giant Within – Maximise Self Worth. Like you may imagine, Mark has done lots of research for seminar on ‘How to Lift Your Low Self Esteem’. He also has listed his most important ‘Tips’ here. By stopping the people being bullies just by trying to lift the self esteem might be like trying in getting the obese person to lose little weight by th1e way of feeding more cake.

 

LEVELS OF SELF ESTEEM

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Self esteem occurs in three different levels because it’s a concept that develops gradually. The basic degrees of self esteem are considered as:

  • Having a high self esteem means feeling confidently capable in life, a feel of worth or a feel of being the right person in everything.
  • Having a low self esteem means a person is not up to the standards of everyday living otherwise the person feels he/she is the wrong one.
  • Having a mild self esteem means the person is in two states. A state crowded with confusing and conflicting decisions. The person feels capable and ineffective, appropriate and inappropriate and this is shown through actions like lateness and rashness at times. This amounts to insecurity.

However, the more flexible a person is, the better he/she can resist everything that would otherwise make them fall into a low esteem desperation. Truth is you are the worthy human being without those things. In case, you are suffering from low self esteem, then here are some things that you may do in order to overcome this.

Stop Comparing to Other People: And it is unfortunate however many people start comparing themselves to people while they are young. The parents, and other loved ones, can tell them they are not very good as somebody else and they must strive to be like them in the effort to get it to improve in talent or behavior. Problem with this is that there can always be the people who are much better than you in some task, have an access to more sources, and are in the better job position. By comparing yourself to people is the self defeating & unnecessary act. You need to appreciate your strengths & good qualities.

Remember Your Achievement: One more method you may raise your self esteem is remember when you have achieved the goal and had some other successes in your life. Very often we reflect on times while we failed & we start to think we may do nothing right. Truth is you have had as many successes in the life as you had the failures. Take out one piece of paper & start writing them down & read them when you start to feel very bad about yourself this is great self esteem building.

Associate with the Positive People: The negative people are the people who just see what is actually wrong with the whole world. Self Esteem will save us all!

 

INFLUENCES OF SELF ESTEEM

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There are three main stimuli to self esteem:

  1. i.        Reflected appraisal– This refers to messages received from those who assess you. For example, people tend to be unable to believe in themselves with low self esteem once those who are close to them do not acknowledge them.
  2. ii.        Social comparison – is the individuals’ evaluation done by comparison of one’s own capability, characteristics and achievements to others. If a person is surrounded by superior people perceived to be more talented, they tend to lose their esteem and the ‘versa’ is true with low self esteem.
  3. iii.        Self-worth contingencies – This is how self esteem is influenced and this is through what is professed to be of utmost importance to us. For example, one person’s self esteem is raised in academics hence gaining a lot of friends.

They are likely to abuse themselves, as well as might stay in the physically and emotionally abusive relationships. Low self esteem can actually affect every aspect of lives our relationships, income, and health. I have also seen firsthand how the low self esteem will lead to debit, under earning, obesity and anorexia, as well as anti-social behavior. Our self esteem evolves and develops throughout lives when we build the image of ourselves through experiences with various people as well as activities. Experiences during childhood play large role in shaping of the basic self esteem“.

Lots of times, in case, we are suffering from the low self-esteem in the childhood, then this might plague us in our adolescence & adulthood. In case, we are suffering from the negative thoughts regarding ourselves we will attract the negative situations, and when provided many options, we might just see the negative solution, as it matches the comfort level. Plenty of our time is actually spent dealing with self absorbed negative thoughts, which we can’t be of service to people. That motivated me, as I am the spiritual person and can help others. For past decade I have studied methods to improve my own self esteem as well as are keenly aware how self esteem issues may impact lives of family and friends. And this led in improving my diet as well as dressing better that in turn lead to productivity & satisfaction in work life that lead to income & opportunities. Think about your personality and find one thing that is admirable. Are you kind, compassionate, creative or tenacious? Focus on one aspect of the personality & watch what actually happens.

IMPROVING ONE’S SELF ESTEEM

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Low self esteem should be avoided at any cost. It leads to one underestimating themselves and hinders them from trying different things. As a way to improve your self esteem, it is good to commend yourself everyday in everything you do. This should be accompanied by listing some events that made you smile before retiring to bed. Another way is to stop underestimating your capabilities, your look or your background. Instead of spending time thinking of such things that will never change, it is better to look at the positive things in your life. Increasing self esteem also requires you not to listen to others discouraging words. You should always take such comments lightly and live like at peace.

Here are some tips, which have actually helped me out.

1. Find out something you like of yourself. Let us say you hate your own body not a great place for self esteem. Find one very important thing that you may truly say that you like about your body. And for me, I have learned to like my wrists- and they are thin & delicate. Eventually, I started to feel more and more self esteem of the appreciation for other area of my body & I value my good health.

2. Look at what is going well and what you are doing right. And nothing is ever black & white. Fine, let us say you have got no job, home, friends, and poor health, & no income or money. You are helping planet by release of the carbon dioxides that feeds plants. Even though you get fired from the job, look what self esteem you do well when you were employed & focus on that. In case, you have the job, which you hate, then at least you are working, and going through fourth divorce, you are keen to get involved with other human being. Look what you are learning and when you are feeling bad about yourself, then write the list of accomplishments. List mus include everything that you have done & ways that you have helped others. The items on list do not have to be big. Maybe you got the newspaper to disabled neighbor, did not scream at husband while you wanted to, self esteem got lots of filing done in work, and helped your son to pick out the shirt…write this down. Whenever the list is complete, then you have to read it to the trusted friend.